Kerima Polotan: My icon, my heroine

One of my inspirations on my writing is this indomitable woman, Kerima Polotan. For me, she is one of the greatest writer I have ever read. Her words and images radically moves you while her characters intrigue and beguile you, leaving you quite immersed in her world. Sometimes, after reading an excerpt of her work, I can't help but mutter "Dammit, you're so good I want be like you", but of course there can only one Kerima Polotan, she is in a league of her own. 

 Honestly, I’m not an academician, I don’t have fancy degrees in writing but I want to become a good if not a great writer because of her.  Here’s a sample of an essay I submitted to a newspaper in one of their contest, My Idol, My Icon. I joined it because I wanted to win the big LCD TV prize. Unfortunately, I didn’t get it but I don’t want to leave this piece hidden in my hard drive forever, at least someone might read my ode for her on this blog. She passed away in the middle of this year and this  entry is for her.

Kerima Polotan: My Icon, My Heroine

As I write this, I ask myself, how can I possibly describe someone whose works I admire so much? How can I recount her incredible short stories and essays when I feel bereft of her gift of lyricism, irony and rawness? I don’t know if my puny words are enough to aptly expound on her formidable works.  Somehow, I feel incomparable to the many talented writers who have introduced her books and will gladly slink aside to make way to the prestigious institutions that have awarded her. Here I am, a struggling, wannabe writer expressing my admiration to one of the most talented female Filipino writer in the Philippines, Kerima Polotan.

Kerima Polotan is best known for her short story The Virgin, which won the Philippine Free Press short story prize and the Palanca Memorial Award  in 1952. She has also won other awards for her writing, one of which is the prestigious Stonehill Award for her novel The Hand of the Enemy in 1962. Aside from writing award-winning stories, she has written provocative essays found in the books Adventures in a Forgotten Country and The True and the Plain.  On a personal note, Kerima was born in Jolo, Sulu and is the daughter of an army colonel and a teacher. She is also married to Juan Tuvera and has ten children.

I first encountered Kerima Polotan’s work in college. This was The Virgin. The story is about a 34-year old unmarried woman faced with the possibility of love and desire long after she thought these have eluded her. It is quite admirable how she brings you inside her story with her deft lyrical descriptions and creative emotional landscapes.  In The Virgin, she was able to create sexual tension between her protagonist, Miss Mijares and the carpenter by stirring the reader’s imagination with her subtle eroticism and uncontrived symbolism.  Noteworthy is the restraint she gave her characters, not giving too much, just enough to leave you wondering and smiling as you arrive to your own conclusion.

 Aside from the Virgin, I also liked her other short story A Various Season which won second place in the 1966 Palanca Awards. It was about a married woman who had an affair with an equipment salesman. Reading it was like watching a movie and with each page, you witness Lourdes David, the main character shuttling between her feelings of guilt and rationalizations about her infidelity and her heartbreaking disenchantment with her marriage. I also love the confrontation part with her lover. You can almost feel the pain within the pages of the book, gripping you inside and as it unravels you realize that this is what makes Kerima Polotan a great writer, she can easily transport you from a dreamless state to the heart of her characters and feel their pain.

Kerima is not only a great storyteller but also an unconventional writer audacious enough to write unlikely and controversial characters like an unmarried woman in The Virgin and an adulteress in A Various Season in the 50s and the 60s, both conservative eras. She courageously wrote about them even if she opened herself to scrutiny as some women writers are prone to when they write about these topics. And not surprisingly, she also wrote biting essays. I was confounded by her essay on Filipinos in America written in the 70s. Her observations here were quite keen and uncompromising. She nailed it to the heart when she wrote about the people needing its country more than the country needing its people, that no matter where we are in the world or how good life is in foreign soil, there will always be a longing for the Motherland in the hearts of every Filipino.

 I wish I could ask her what inspired her to write. What inspired her to write characters like Miss Mijares and Lourdes David?  Did she had a dream about it or was it divine inspiration? Writers have different sources for their material, some from personal experience, some from people they know, and even some from people walking down the street. But whatever muse inspired her, it doesn’t matter, what’s important is she made these characters real enough for us to care about. Besides, writing is not an easy job. For me at least, I always have this strange need to write the emotions seeping within my soul. If I don’t write it and keep it within myself, it almost torments me. There is this urge to write even if I don’t know if I’m good enough, I just write.

And since writing is not easy, being recognized as a good writer is even harder, so to write and earn accolades while raising ten kids is a feat in itself, I salute Kerima for that. Impressively, she has shown me that motherhood and writing can co-exist, that if you are really passionate about your craft, you can do it no matter what herculean odds are against you. And as a mother of just one, I can imagine how hard it must be. I wonder how she managed it. Did she write while the kids were napping or did she write in the washroom?  Has writing become her refuge from the strains of everyday life?  Did it become a piece of her identity with no connection to the husband and kids?  Maybe. For me at least, writing reflects my own time, my own thoughts, enclosed in my own world where there are no diapers to change, no meals to prepare and no spouse to pick up after. Writing provides me a certain freedom to be myself while the family is sleeping or busy playing. I like writing during silent early mornings when my mind is still fresh or in the late evenings when everyone is asleep and I’m alone with the characters of my stories. It is my piece of sanity in a sometimes insane world.  In my stories, I can play God and give the characters their happy endings or confrontations I detest and witty dialogues I would love to tell myself. Sometimes, it’s also my form of catharsis, clearing cobwebs in my mind, seeing things in a different way.

I know I am still a long way off to become as good a writer as Kerima Polotan.  But despite this, I will carry on, writing when I can and polishing my skills along the way. Whatever happens  Kerima will always be the heroine writer I will look up to when I feel discouraged and she will always be the gold standard I will strive for.  With her authentic storytelling, she has inspired me to be true to myself and write with heart and audacity, to write from within, without looking back and with no self-consciousness because it is with this truth that the characters in my stories will feel alive to readers. And if I am true to myself, becoming a better person, a better wife and a better mother will come much easier.