If you can, don’t read this book
in public because it may be hard to explain the tears that may unconsciously
slide down your cheeks. I read the first chapter inside a restaurant and I have
to stop before get into the “ugly” cry as Oprah have said.
Reading the first few sentences
about a mother preparing her youngest child’s burial, the toys he wanted put
inside his casket and mentioning that she also buried her first three children
because of the same illness can leave you reeling. I did. Oh dear, I thought,
where are my d** tissues?! Maya Angelou’s foreword also made it difficult to
keep back the brimming moisture in my eyes. So I put it down first so I
wouldn’t look like I just broke up with someone.
I almost forgot about the book
because I left it inside a shopping bag with the other stuff I bought that day.
Then just as I was looking for one book I wanted to write about a blog post, I
found it again and read it. Then I braced myself for more waterworks.
I knew how it was going to end, I
knew it wouldn’t be happy sunshine, balloons and merrymaking and that made me read
each chapter, each sentence, each word with intense and sad anticipation. This
was a child who had the odds against him. Especially the odds of making it to his
teens which was thought to be almost impossible medically. But he reached
thirteen almost going on fourteen. All throughout the book, he had numerous
close calls but came back until the time he really had to leave.
I saw Mattie Stepanek and his Heartsongs
book in Oprah years ago. I cannot forget him because had this impish smile and
an uncharacteristic wisdom when he speaks. I didn’t know that his condition was
critical. He looked so happy, innocent and playful like a regular kid. And
reading about the hardships he had gone through, the neverending hospital
check-ups, the trach tubes, the church handouts, the death of his siblings, it
was almost impossible to believe that he was not bitter about life and even
encouraged others to play after every storm.
Mattie was a vessel that poured
himself, fully and unselfishly to others despite his sickness. He valiantly gave himself
while battling his own pain and that’s what made his message special. He was an
unlikely source. Facing his own mortality at a young age, Mattie still found the beauty
of life even with a glimpse of a sunrise. For me, he truly was a messenger.
“I don’t think they understand
what it’s like to live your life so fast…my life here won’t last….I get scared
about the pain of dying and about what I will miss because I love living so,
so, so much….I want to leave so many gifts for people to have when I’m not here
anymore.…I want people to remember me someday and say, Oh, yes! Mattie! He was
a poet, a peacemaker, and a philosopher who played.”
Honestly, I have never read a
book that made me sob from start to finish. I finished it in two sittings, the
last one I read until 3 am with my eyes sore from crying. I was surprised at
myself because I thought I was a little jaded already. But there I was sitting on the floor in the wee hours of the morning sniffling
away. Was it because it was a story of a mother like me telling the journey of his son in this life or was it
because Mattie’s message of peace and hope radiated with so much light, it made it hard for me not to sit back, listen
and take heart? Maybe both.
Looking back, there were so many parts on this book that stirred me and I found quite memorable. So I hope you can read it in its entirety to appreciate it more. Mattie's poetry was beautiful and his many achievements
in his short life were astounding and inspiring. Here are more excerpts from the book:
“Regardless of how you pray, he
said, regardless of the name you choose or are raised with to call the “supreme
being”, what matters most is using prayerfulness to become a good person, a
better person…"
“…he explained, just because
someone’s religion might be a different kind of Christianity or did not embrace
Jesus as the Savior, in no way did he think that it meant he or she was loved
any less by God. Being a good person, he said was what mattered the most.”
“…he was passionate about turning
people toward something greater than themselves. To be your best self, he said,
you had to recognize consciously that you were part of something that went
beyond you. You could not be your best self in isolation because achieving that
goal required reaching out to, encouraging and supporting your neighbor to be
his best self.”
I love this part.
“It was to Mattie’s mind, a
collaboration that required learning about one’s neighbor-his preferences,
strengths and needs-and then working with that person to meet everyone’s needs,
involving the whole world in the effort. When basic needs are met - food,
water, safety, shelter, medical care, education, hope and happiness - peace
follows, Mattie said. He was in fact, working to encourage people to leave the
best legacy they could possibly could, to recognize their purpose on earth and
follow through by understanding that it connects with everyone else’s.”
It’s hard not to get emotional
about this book or maybe it’s just me. But whatever it is, I found another hero
in this book aside from Mattie. His mother, Jen Stepanek. To have that
indomitable spirit, that resolute strength is quite an inspiration. Mattie’s
journey wouldn’t be complete without her. She had been his rock, his
confidante, his best friend. They cried and laughed together amid all his
trials. And in every crisis she steadily stood by him. I pray that I can be
half the mother she is.
Right now, she battles with the adult
form of Mattie’s disease but she still continues to spread his message. I wish
her continuous strength in mind, heart and body. And I thank her for giving us
this book and letting us see how special Mattie really was and still is. Thank
you, Jen and Mattie. May your message of peace and hope spread as wide and as
clear as you hope it to be. (www.mattieonline.com)
