My first marathon experience TBR 2015

( I  wrote this the day after the marathon, Feb. 25, 2015)

Still aching from yesterday’s 42K run, part of me is exhilarated having done it and part of it is just super fatigued. Everything hurts, my feet, my legs, my back, even my head hurts. I can barely move out of bed after the marathon when I got home. But looking at the picture now, me smiling, triumphant, the pain is forgotten. Standing there with the backdrop “I am a marathoner” smiling like a conquering heroine was all worth the pain. It doesn’t reflect the pain, the doubts on my mind during that run because honestly there were many literally and figuratively dark moments, battles with myself. But before I go to that let me tell you what I experienced and encountered during the run.

It was 2 a.m. when we started, it was a little cold, with a slight wind chill and I told myself, here it is the marathon, the beast I have to wrestle to submission to get that medal, the dreaded dragon I have to slay on my mind. I have been having the jitters that week and it was the week of my birthday. Good thing I got distracted from the celebrations with family and friends.

So the run started and I surveyed the participants, some have their hydration packs, tight compression shorts and pants, athletic tapes on their legs, their caps, visors, sunglasses, you barely notice any nervousness, almost all of them looked psyched. Me, I prayed that my maximum four hour time-based training pays off and my confidence that I was able to hike three mountains would get me through this. I know this was a formidable challenge because I knew that I’m not athletic. Hiking those mountains was not an easy feat for me either, I was just the tail-ender there the same goes in my other runs and my long run two years ago , 21K so I know it would take me 8 hours to finish and I was hoping I would make it to their first cut-off in their 21K.

Then the run started and it was a little chilly, the skies were dark and you can see the stars as you pound through the pavement. I haven’t seen the course so this was really the first time I ran it, I didn’t expect anything  and then the inclines came. Yes, there were inclines, man, that felt brutal to a non-athletic person like myself. I was cursing in my head. Running a full-marathon is challenging enough as it is and some inclines to the mix is like the monkey wrench on my running plans. I was planning to run the first 21K, no walk contrary to what they taught us at the bull sessions then have  4:1 tempo, 4 minutes run and 1 minute walk.

But after those little hills, those plans had to be changed. I hit the wall at the 20K mark, that early, I thought, maybe I won’t able to make it to the first half and had to be taken off the course and because I was so tired already, I will have to tell my hubby that I gave up, I didn’t train enough, didn’t train for the inclines excuses. But then I got through the 21K mark and that changed, I felt that maybe I had the chance since I already know what to expect and just walk on the inclines to save my strength and finish it before 11 am.

But knowing the course already is still different from running the course. And the sun was up, beating at you, radiating its might rays at the hapless runners like myself wracked with pain and cramps. Each kilometer felt so far. When I hit the 30K mark, I was happy since only 12K left but still, each kilometer to the 35^th mark felt so long and hard, each step was like pressing your feet on nails cushioned by pavement. A slight jog was better than walking so I did it, I jogged just to keep the pain away not because I wanted to run prove something to those people walking. I jogged because I was in pain so that was what I did. I jogged and felt I already reached the 40K mark, I would be able to keep up my jogging bit but the sun was already high up around 10 a.m., I just wanted to walk because I was so tired, very tired from 8 hours of running and 3 hours of sleep and now I was worried that I won’t make it to the 11 a.m. mark.

There was no let-up in the challenges but I wanted to slay this dragon, I wanted to finally chop its head and call it a day, that loop before the finish line was its head then I saw my husband coming to me, handing me a bottle of Lipa coconut juice, my Prince but it is me who had to slay the beast so he left and I did it,  I jogged that last 500 meters and I finally vanquished it. I did it. I slayed my dragon. Victory at last! :)

I read in a book by Haruki Murakami about running that you should have a mantra to survive a marathon, mine was dream, believe, survive, a tagline from a defunct reality show and I told myself… you have conquered three mountain beasts already, this one marathon, this dragon will also be conquered, no matter how long it took, no matter how far  (a bit of dialogue from one of my favorite movies “Last of the Mohicans”)

Anyway, I did it, I dreamed, I believed, I survived no matter how long it took and no matter far it was from the finish line, I slayed my dragon and I have a medal to prove it. So thanks TBR for giving me a chance to fulfill my dream :)

Kili: When love is fearless

There are so many changes happening in my life right now and I am overwhelmed. But one thing that distracts me at this time is this image of Kili, the young, thoughtful and adorable dwarf of The Hobbit. It’s funny that I make him my inspiration now because he embodies the recklessness and foolhardiness of expressing his love amidst all the commotion and hindrances that surround him. I like his laughter, his smile, his thoughtfulness. I like that. I like that in a man.

Maybe I now realize that loving someone doesn’t have to be painful, that loving is wonderful if it is mutual, that loving also means putting yourself out there because at that moment, that second, that minute is that moment you have right now. We never know what will happen next. We want someone who can match our own passion, our own commitment, someone who doesn’t holds back.

I have changed a lot but I guess I will always be a romantic. I will always like sweeping and grand gestures of love, of chivalry, of vulnerability and gentleness in a man. No matter how jaded the world had become, these grand gestures of love will always be appreciated. It may not involve luxurious items like gigantic diamond rings or brand new cars but warm handholding and torrid declarations will always be welcome.

In my years on this earth, I realized that the true gauge of one’s love is when you want to make them happy. No matter what. And Kili let go of Tauriel first  because he doesn’t want to intrude in her duties and maybe in her doubtfulness. But time and fate had a hand on it. And even if it was too late. They both knew that they loved each other. Maybe they will be together in another place and time and in that moment, they will have each other and be happy.